a darned good day...hope tonight goes well, too

yeah, today at work went well...a mellow day, i had the chance to get some cleaning and organizing done...last night's staff get-together was just what we all needed...i even felt comfortable enough to tell ange and trish how uncomfortable i was (for about 2 minutes) to be the only non-married there...i was married almost as long as most of them have been alive...legally, we were married over 20 years, but the separation started at 18 1/2 years...but i actually had fun, the talking and venting we did was helpful and amusing, the guys were funny, too...i especially think that dave is great, although bryan seems just as crazy...mark was quiet at first, but started to open up...i think ange and dave are all set to "find me a husband"...hey, whatever...as long as it is who God means for me to be with, that is fine...but i can't imagine ever being in another difficult relationship as our marriage was...i love les as a person, a human being, a fellow believer in God, and since he is and always will be the father of matt and kim, there is a place for him in my heart....however, and we won't go there here and now...that is for another blog...one away from anyone's eyes but mine...
kim said the movie was good last night...she spent the night at vanessa's...she has a sore throat and sounded tired when we talked this morning (more than just the "staying up too late" tired, more like a "getting sick" tired...matt is at work...hope it is a good day for him...i forgot to call him last night and tell him i would be later than previously anticipated...so i got home at, like, 1100, and he was basically already asleep, so we really didn't spend any time together yesterday...well, tonight we (me, matt, kim, mom, dad) will go out for a late celebration of the 3 month long "birthday of noreen"...don't know where we will go, but it will be fun...we seem to always have fun with my parents...i have been doing this "low-carb" thing, and last night dave mentioned "atkins" and i said i wasn't actually doing it, but i went to the website, and i think it will help me do induction right, like i did in 1999 when i lost 20 pounds in 21 days...yeah, maybe it's a vanity thing...i miss my size 4 clothes, and even my size 8's are a little tight...but it's more than that...i am out of shape and it is affecting how i feel...my back always hurts?...don't i say that in every one of these blog posts?...duh, get a clue...my neck and back always hurt when i am overweight...my weight normally fluctuates between 100 and 112 lbs., i guess for a person 5'3", that is pretty normal...so i will go now...take a shower and try to figure out what to wear...i won't stress about it, though...the fact that it is 100 degrees out will affect my clothing choice, n'est-ce pas? Pourquoi est-ce que je jamais écris en françáis tous les jours? Ç'est le trés belle langue dans le monde, et oui, je sais beauçóup des mots, mais je ne habite pas en france, et je n'ai pas de personnes qui parler français trés bien! C'ést le vie, oui? Y yo tambien hablo en espanol, pero no mucho!
okay, back to english...i will write later...i will have a good weekend, i hope...

this week has been long...

i'm tired...an okay day at work, and now matt and i were watching lotr: fellowship of the ring, but now he is playing football and i guess i will turn on the tv...my back hurts...i will write later...oh, i did talk to kim and will tell more about that later...

couldn't sleep, so i'll write...i mean, type

yeah, it's like after 4:00 am and i know my alarm is set for 5:00 am so i can be to work before 6:00 am, but i just can't sleep...i drank several glasses of crystal light iced tea last night so i could stay up to watch 2 episodes of last comic standing and the amazing race (why am i watching all of these reality shows that i used to bash?)...i have a lot on my mind...i was so negative and sarcastic yesterday, actually it started before that...not sure where it is originating...i think the devil is working overtime to get to me, but God is stronger...i will call kim today...it seems i have been avoiding her or something...no, i haven't been, i just get home from work and don't want or don't seek out any communication with anyone and i'm sorry for that...we are supposed to go to the playground of dreams and the water park today, but i'm pretty sure that is not happening...i'll do what i can to help make today at work mellow and calm...i think we have a meeting tomorrow night...i hope so, we all need to talk about work and spend some time together away from work...so i'll talk to you later today...

hey...tuesday again

an okay day at work...it's mom's birthday so i called and left a message...hope to see her and dad again soon...work was okay...i think we are having our meeting thursday night...i am not going to silverwood monday and that is actually okay...hopefully i will see kim soon...will write more later...

beginning of another week already

well, work was okay...i opened and worked 6:00 until 3:00, which is a schedule i like, except for that moment when my alarm goes off and i don't want to get out of bed...actually this morning i had such a troubling dream, i guess getting up wasn't so hard...i don't even want to discuss the dream, but it was very upsetting and i don't understand why it occurred...anyway, work was okay...i like to open there, and set out all of the stuff and have those cool cd's playing when the kids come in, like the reggae one and the latin and stuff, it's cool...matt is here playing football and kim is at brad's party... i think she will be coming home tomorrow...my back hurts again...on my hour-long break i went to the library and did some paperwork and xeroxed some stuff- my pay stubs and tax return and other things so i can get the insurance recertification and the dshs stuff...so i will write more later...bye

crazy game in boston!

yeah, i had a cruddy day yesterday, basically my own fault, i was feeling sorry for myself, selfish, blah...blah...blah...at least i was honest with kim instead of saying "oh, i am fine"..."no problem"...then i tell God off, totally, on the way home...how embarassing...yeah, i was yelling in the car (after rolling up the windows) things like, "f%#$ you god" and "i hate my f#%ing life!" and all that...before i even got home i was apologizing and saying i was sorry but that i was glad God understands that i am just sad and i didn't mean it...it reminded me of before...then i got home and turned on the tv to fox and yeah, the awesomely crazy boston- new york game was on, and it was so insane!...bad weather...postponed...yankees on the bus...then they actually played...rodriquez got hit...big bench-clearing brawl...ejections...back and forth scoring...very poorly played game...sox had 4 errors...yankees built big lead, and slowly the sox came back...a 67 minute inning with both teams scoring a combined 10 runs...walk off by mueller...sox win!...just what i needed to get my mind off my "problems"...more later...

it's almost over...

the 2nd sprint of the final day of the tour is over...usps has the lead and is fending off anyone who might even think about disrupting...more later...

good news...

i might be going to silverwood again on monday, august 2...will have more info later...

lance wins...lance wins...fifth stage in a row...see you in paris

i'll write more later...

lance will win today's stage and the tour de france...yeah!

more details later...he is wrapping it up as we speak...

oh yeah, looks like lance will win his 6th in a row...

yeah, he didn't even challenge...didn't need to...tomorrow is a time trial, then on sunday lance will be sipping champagne and riding circles around paris...cool

friday again

i really need some originality in my blog titles, n'est-ce pas?...pretty good day at work, however, it was a very long day...very few kids and right away a situation with n. which i took personally, because it was personal, and i won't deal with her like that...enough about work...don't know whether or not there will be bible study, but i will swing by...i can hear them practicing for the air show...the "dash for cash" probably just ended...i like the races but i prefer not to be in columbia park for them, just listen on the radio...tomorrow i will probably walk to the allied arts show and then go on over to hastings and check it out...we'll see...later...

it was an okay day...

i won't write much...my back hurts and my stomach too...k. is rafting on the columbia with friends...she got her hair cut, and it sounds like it looks cute...i think her hair looks great long, but i know it looks great how she got it done...i will write more later...i have had some of the dizziness, though not as bad as that day i worked at jason lee...bye

`world's worst skater...yes, i am

it has been a pretty good day...actually better than that...yeah, we skated, or actually, everyone else skated and i did something that was supposed to resemble it...i am doing much better, with a little more practice i will be actually skating...the rest of the day was good...played this cool new game with some kids right before i left...then i went to dinner at angie and dave's and it was great...good dinner and good conversation...i will write more about it later...went to brit's and picked up kim, went to safeway, and now we are here...lance won the time trials stage today...yeah...it has been a good day...it's nice to spend some time with kim...hope that matt is doing okay...later..

sunday again...

i have been indoors all weekend...haven't been out once...yes, i think i have some depression, but nothing serious...just feeling sorry for myself or something...m. is here so that has been good...i will write more later...just not in the mood...my back hurts again, like yesterday...

tour de france update is victim of sucky microsoft idiot computer problem...

i hate this computer!...i had a cool tour de france report thanks to yahoosports.com, but the %#*@$ ing computer, it closed before i could save it...oh well, lance won the stage...that is all that matters...so angie and brian got married last night, and hope they have a great life together...i didn't go to bible study or the reception...just didn't feel up to it, and it's nice to spend time with matt...will write more later...

TGIF...

yes, it is friday...it has been a crazy week and yesterday was so long and difficult...it was a dangerous combination of humidity and stupidity...maybe not stupidity, but just some insensitive and selfish kids who can't see beyond their own needs...i do believe that part of my job is to help kids realize that the world does not revolve around them only...but to do this in a calm and nonjudgemental way...anyway, today is angie's wedding day and i just wish her and brian a really special life together...it can happen, it is supposed to be special and wonderful, not that there won't be problems and challenges, but that they can take their concerns to God and trust Him...it wasn't that for me and les because...well, i don't want to go there...i can only control the choices that i make or have made...kim might be going to ohio again...if she does, i hope she has a wonderful time...that would be fun to go and spend some time with her and maybe go to king's island, i think that is what it is called, that place with roller coasters...oh, by the way...next week on 105.3 they will be giving away tickets to silverwood on the trivia contest...yes, i will try to win...maybe i can arrange for matt, kim, konnor, whoever else wants to come...but i don't know how many tickets it would be so we'll have to wait for if i can win them...for some reason i am having terrible stomach pains, almost like cramps, but it can't be that since my hysterectomy...i certainly don't miss periods, etc...but it would have been nice to at least have the choice of having more kids if and when i get married again...that's okay...adoption is an option that will be looked at hopefully at that time...okay...later

hey, it is sunday again...

yesterday might be looked at as weird or strange, my decision to drive to george, washington, only to turn right around and drive back...but my reasoning was that it helped me know where kim and her friends were, what the road was like, and it put me at ease for some reason...i had some kind of peace come over me that assured me that things will either go allright or they won't and there is nothing you can do about it...thanks God for reminding me that i have no control over what happens in my life or anyone else's...it sounds like they had fun there and i hope so...saw matt last night and he told me about jephren's party...i am not going to church for several reasons...i'd like to spend some time with kim, unless she has plans...i also have housework...also i am still tired from the drive home yesterday...actually i really enjoyed driving there, and it gave me some time to think about things...anyway, i know that "going to church" is not necessary for me to have this relationship with the Lord...although it does help in the areas of worship and fellowship...kim is still asleep and i am doing some catching up on housework...what really needs to be done is laundry...sometimes i am selfish and think how "nice" it would be to have a home with 3 bedrooms, a yard, and a washer and dryer...but for now this place is fine...i just need to be thankful for what i have and who i have in my life...friends, family, mainly matt and kim...yeah, i know, i do remember that merely one year ago, things were very different...this whole thing that happened yesterday, that i created by wanting control over things, etc...kim handled it so great, she and i discussed our thoughts and i don't know, i think it might be a good step in the right direction for us...for the first time in months i physically felt the presence of my bipolar disorder and kim was really respectful of that, didn't put me down or anything, actually hugged me a couple of times...all i want in my relationships with matt and kim is to love them no matter what they do or say or think or whatever...they need to know that they have a mom who loves them and that wherever i am, they are always welcome to be a part of it...my back is sort of hurting so i will go now...

trust

well, actually i will write later because i have some comments about trust, in this case, trust in God, specifically about my particular situation, and i need to go eat dinner and watch the news first...before i go, hey, i saw matt for a little while today and that was cool...later...

what the...it's friday already?

hey, yesterday was pretty cool...today will hopefully be good, too...matt and i had fun watching certain scenes of "old school" over and over, and we had some other fun too...kristin came over and that was really great to talk with her...i'll write more later...hey, here is my next week's schedule:
mon- closed for the july 5th holiday
tue- 8:30- 5:00
wed- same
thur-same
fri- 8:30- 3:00

so i am missing out on some work just because of our f*%#ing founding fathers who decided to create our new nation, blah, blah, blah- anyway, i don't really feel that way, i am just kidding, george, thomas, james, and whoever else...i mean, without the
f*%#ing founding fathers, we wouldn't have good shows like Liberty's Kids to watch, right?...

wow, i am so patriotic...

it was weird...today when i was driving back from getting my new license tabs (by the way, the DOL is at fred meyer now) and the driver ahead of me had a license plate that said "former prisoner of war" on it...it was very strange and it made me wonder which war and what exactly happened and all...anyway, i think matt is home so i will go talk with him...