sunday...

yeah...today was pretty good...i didn't go to church, i stayed here and did some cleaning...i picked up kim and took her to her grandparents' house...i saw the three matrix movies...the first one is great, the second is good, the third is okay...matt is here and he's playing video football...i open tomorrow so i need to go to bed...

matrix is cool...

i just finished watching "the matrix" a while ago, it was very exciting and wow, the special effects are super! now i am watching two towers for about the 20th time...i just made some "suddenly susan salad", as we used to call it, and ate so much of it...why do i do that?...at least i walked for almost two hours this morning...anyway, k is at the g house- actually, i am supposed to call her l now...hope they have fun watching johnny depp movies...hope to see m sometime soon...i bought the coolest sandals today at fred meyer...also a couple of white shirts...so tomorrow i will go to church, pick up k, and take her probably to her grandparents' house, then i will go to the "matrix" party, that should last quite late, since we are watching all three movies...i expect neither of the other two movies to even be half as good as the first, but that is okay...i hope we have fun...bye

saturday morning...

just got back from walking almost 2 hours...like i used to do everyday...i just want to be more active and therefore be in better physical shape...i saw jeff, the nice mailman guy from when i worked at third dimension...we talked for a few minutes, and that was the only time i stopped walking except for intersections...i walked down mcmurray past safeway down to hunt, then walked along the river path down to the park at leslie groves, then up park st., over to howell, onto newcomer, then back over to catskill and up to here...the weather was really awesome walking weather, the temperature was very mild, with a slight breeze, and even wearing a sweatshirt i was comfortable...anyway, kim is still asleep, so after a while we will go to her grandparents' house and i am going to borrow "the matrix" so i can get ready for our matrix party tomorrow...someday i am going to have a "lord of the rings" party...hope to see matt soon...oh, i need to go to safeway and get some more sunscreen, some more drano, and something else...i can't remember...i have a lot of housework and laundry to do, but i am going to get the laundry caught up slowly, i am not going to worry about it...kim and konnor took out the garbage, so that was helpful...i work the following schedule next week:
mon 6:00- 2:30
tue 8:30- 5:00
wed 8:30- after we get back from the dust devils game (!)
thur 8:30- 5:00
fri 8:30- 5:00
i am so glad that i am being scheduled 40 hours a week, well, yeah, i know they asked me and i asked for 40 hours, but the way i have been scheduled at some of my past jobs, like boys and girls club- what a joke! i remember my last week there, i was scheduled for 6 hours- that whole week! i was like, i am a single mom with 2 kids and you are scheduling me for 6 hours this week? no...i don't think so...then i left that job and went to the bon and worked those crazy weekends...i don't want to have to work weekends anymore...even if it means i have to give up "things", it just isn't worth it to get so exhausted and not be there to spend time with the kids or be there for the times they need rides or whatever...i am listening to the radio and that song called "you raise me up" by josh grobin is on, what an awesome song...khs did it for their graduation song, and although it didn't sound that great, that doesn't really matter, does it?...i think i am just used to groups like hhs that matt has been in who are so successful...i mean, they really got to be one of the best jazz choirs in the northwest the past couple of years...but success isn't all that matters...it is a nice result of hard work, however...like kim and matt both showed me with their grades at the end of this year...i hope they both know that i love them no matter what their grades are, no matter what choices they make, we can handle the consequences of whatever might be going on...anyway, i will write more later...

hey...

today was okay...right now is great cause matt is here and it's good to see him...saw kim earlier with sean, konnor, and i got to meet tabby...i will talk to kim tomorrow and hopefully we'll spend some time together soon...work was okay, i can sort of hear again...tomorrow i open and then work till 1200 then work for a couple of hours at badger...i will probably go pay my license and get my new car tabs...maybe do a little more shopping...probably should pay my verizon bill too...think i will go to bible study friday...just want to check in with everyone...although some of the group doesn't seem to go anymore...anyway, later...

again...

i knew it had happened again and yet i intentionally did not listen to any tv or radio or anything today...then i got home and watched the news and was informed that, yes, it has happened again, and i don't know what to do...hey, matt just walked in, so that is cool...he is looking over his freeform stuff...i will talk to you later...

this title would be %#@^ if I had written yesterday...

yeah, it happened again, and once again I have that 9/11 feeling of numbness and disgust and am not sure what to do with it...i know, give it to God, i have done that already along with asking, "why? is this one of those things that we can never understand?"...violence is one thing during war, but this particular kind of brutality is impossible to take...how do i pray for his family and friends?...this would be the ultimate "test" of faith, although we know that God does not "test" us, but really if something heinous like this ever happened to a loved one, would i go to God and seek comfort and strength, or would i turn my back on Him?...that scares me almost as much...sometimes i think that my faith is getting so strong, and then i think about how quickly i might discard it all if something like that, or not even that bad, happened...what i have to remember is that God is who is strong in all of this, not me or my faith...all i can do is ask God to never leave me or anyone else, to be with us through all the times of our lives, that we can seek Him and find Him always, although we may not even realize it...help me get through this day and feel better...

i hate this computer...

the computer started making a strange sound, so i'll make this short...work was good...we went to the "new" george prout pool, and it is actually easier to watch the kids there...i am so tired, i have a major cold sore and lots of canker sores, and it feels like i have canker sores down my throat, so i am not feeling great...anyway, matt is at work, and hope kim is having a good day whatever she is doing... i miss her, but i think that she needs to be able to spend time with cassie and whoever else...i have to remember to get the dust devil tickets tomorrow after work...i wish i had someone to ask to go to the game, i asked matt and hopefully he wants to go, kim, too, i need to ask her, but i mean like someone you know, a person of the opposite sex who is interesting and actually knows baseball and would want to go, but who would that be?...i don't know, maybe i am not ready for that, but i would have no problem asking someone to go do something like that or whatever...it's not like a date, but even if it was, i don't have any problem being the one to ask...seems like the thing to do...if it is the right time...if not, i can have fun with whoever goes...anyway...i think i might be the opening person at kids place for the rest of the summer and that is okay...i think i will go to bible study tomorrow night, and hopefully if anyone is planning our annual whale watching trip, that it is being planned so i can get the time off...i don't know...it feels like that trip might not happen this year or ever again...whatever happens, i guess i can go do stuff on my own, i don't really need to wait for others to make plans, it just was a lot of fun with them...later... bye

this day was wack...

what a crazy day...i am sitting here listening to freeform and matt is playing video football...today was weird...but also was great...i "skated", if you can call it that..worked 600 until about 130...it was kind of a stressful day but i handled it...anyway, today is kim's birthday and so we will have pizza and cake and stuff at her grandparents' house...i haven't seen her for a couple of days, as i mentioned before, but i think if she wants to spend time there, she should be able to...so, tomorrow is swimming and that should be okay...reminds me of the days when matt and i would walk around george prout talking and laughing and running into tyler, and also our famous, "i saw that", "no running", and "stay away from the edge of the pool", yes, the good old days...anyway, g2g, bye...

tuesday afternoon

i can't shake the feeling that something big is going to happen, for some reason i sense that one or both of the kids is going through something major that i am not yet aware of and i just need to be ready to help them...i don't know what, i don't have any reason to think that something is wrong, it is just this sense...like as their mom, i can sense something...i don't know...that is one reason i have been glad to give kim some space and have her stay at her grandparents' house if she wants to, at least she has her own room there and can have some privacy, as for matt, i don't know...last night, i laughed so hard i thought i was going to be sick...but i wonder if i need to let go more with him...are we too close and might this interfere with any relationships that might be important to him?...i am not complaining, i am thankful for the relationship i have with him, i just don't want to unintentionally be interferring in his life...as for kim, well, tomorrow she is 16 and this is the first birthday since 2001 that i have been a part of, if i am a part of it, and i am not expecting to be, since she is going to be 16 and i hope she has fun with her friends...i will put together her present tonight...my back hurts...i need to remember that i am 42 when i am running around playing baseball with 7-10 year old boys...but it is so fun...i think i handled the situation with k. well...she needs to see that i will follow through, that i am not going to take the things she says personally and that i don't judge her on what she does or says, but that it will have an effect on whether i trust her or not or what kind of relationship we will have- upon meeting her parents, especially her mom, i can see where she gets that tendency to feel superior to others...that doesn't work with me, and eventually she'll get it- the sooner, the better, for her sake...ok i am done...

zoolander is weird, say it isn't so is warped...

well, i had a good day at work and i have to go to a staff meeting at 630, so i might take a nap between now and then...we are watching zoolander again, the happy part was just on...anyway, i am going to go lie down...later...bye

silverwood rocks!

wow...yesterday was so fun...i will explain more later, but i met some great kids and went on the roller coasters and just had so much fun....later...matt is here playing video games and kim is in the shower...life's good...

seemed like saturday...

work was cool...i worked from 1130 until 600...i will work 600 to 230 all next week, except 600 to 1200 on tuesday for some reason...we are going skating wednesday...yeah...haven't talked to kim for a couple of days, so i hope things are okay for her...oh, i guess she did call late last night, didn't she?...matt is here playing video soccer and eating some canned type pasta thing...it's nice to see him...tomorrow is silverwood and it should be fun...i am so tired right now, however, this is exactly how i felt the night before mt. hood, so if that is the case...should be fun...reagan's funeral today was really something...so many people came to honor him...well, i will go now...later...bye

the blog formerly known as "an okay day"

work was okay...actually it was pretty good until one of the kids probably intentionally flooded the bathroom and so tomorrow we are going to come up with some ideas about how to deal with that situation and others- actually, I have already come up with some ideas and will share them tomorrow...i will work about 12 to 6 tomorrow, and next week i work 6 to 230, so that will be early, but my normal schedule will be something like 730 to 4 or whatever...anyway, i am tired and my shoulder hurts and i guess i will save laundry to do tomorrow night...we leave for silverwood at 645, i have to be there at 630...i think we return a little before midnight, so that should be a long and busy and fun day...hopefully...i hope that k's last day of school went well, and i hope that i hear from her soon at br's...that is easier to spell than her full name...hope m is doing okay...later...bye

last day of school...

well, another school year ends with me not in my own classroom, but this year that is okay...i trust God will put me in the class (or not) depending on what is right for me and His will and all that...yesterday was great...work at mark twain was cool because we had field day outdoors and it rained the whole time and it was very awesome to be outside watching all the kids have fun...ka visited with me often, as did other kids i know there...guarding the dead bird was kind of a pain, but i really didn't want some kids accidentally running over it...i helped the art teacher in the morning and again after school...in between i ate too much for lunch and then subbed in a cool 4th grade class...read aloud that book A TASTE OF BLACKBERRIES and it is very sad, i have read it before...it's like in MY GIRL, the kid dies from being stung by a bee...very timely to read this book now when so many young kids are dying in this area...anyway, k p was really fun...for some reason the kids all yell, "ke's here!" and run to me when i get there... i think it has something to do with our j t game and when i act like a teenager...don't know how long this will last, so i will just enjoy it for now...took k and ko to mcdonald's and that was great to spend some time with them...i will do what i can to help k find a job this summer...she is trying for a job with br at amazon bay...hope both m and k have good summers...i will continue to just put both them in God's hands like i do each day...well, Lord, help me get some cleaning and organizing done here today before work...k did some helpful stuff here yesterday, so that is cool...later, bye...

an okay day

i'm watching almost famous, but i think that i will go to bed and finish watching it tomorrow...m made ff!...cool...k is at her grandparents' ...she did some homework before leaving...i had dinner at shari's with l' mom...it was kinda nice to talk..tomorrow i work at mark twain and then k p..bye

yeah, it's me

well, m is graduated and so is j and more about those later...president reagan died, as did another tapteal student, so life continues to challenge...k seemed so sad this morning but seems better now so hope that things are okay...i am very tired and the apartment is still a mess but i FINISHED M'S FAFSA STUFF! yeah...just have to get my PIN number and electronically sign it...so anyway, more later, bye...