i really can't believe that nobody commented on yesterday's entry!!!! i'm not looking for agreement, just some dialogue!!!!!

0 comments...that is what i see each time i re-read yesterday's blog, thinking SOMEONE out there has read it and how can you read something like that and then go up to the upper right hand corner and click on NEXT BLOG and read and then comment on someone's pink and white hello kitty blog about last night's slumber party ...i'm sorry, i just am frustrated...this morning i invested about one hour of time (when i should be getting ready for church) to "blog-hop" and so many people are writing about everyday, mundane things (yeah, i know that i have plenty of everyday, mundane things that i could also write about) and i see very few blogs devoted lately to what may be a major turning point in our nation, the 2004 presidential election...and the on-going situation in the world...terrorism, etc...by on-going, it has been going on for hundreds of years, just now we have the technology to actually hear and see it almost as it happens...then our enormous planet suddenly becomes so small...our global world becomes personal...it will become more personal for me, depending on the outcome of the election, for many reasons, but most of my mind is "will there be a draft? will my son therefore be a part of the military in the near future?"... he is almost 19 and a first year college student, a future music teacher, a white "homeboy" with a wicked sense of humor, a love for english league soccer and mountain dew, a survivor of his parents' divorce, still learning responsiblity but with a caring heart and a "billy koch" goatee...selfishly i ask "what will i do if he...has to go...?"...can't even write the words...then there is my 16 yr old daughter...will it ever affect her?...God, i don't think that you necessarily endorse any candidates for this election or any, but guide me to do what is right, whatever that is...help me trust You, not just in this, but in all things, especially my financial situation...
it makes me wonder who is the candidate of choice for those families and friends of soldiers and hostages wounded or killed by the cowards?...
ah...for the good old days when i had the boston red sox to distract me from real life...

SOMETHING HAS GOT TO HAPPEN!!!!!!

this is an incredible time of year in the united states...we, the people of this republic have a voice in who will lead us as president and commander in chief for the next four years...and who will represent us at other levels such as state and local...all i can say is vote...use your power...i am still undecided, yet leaning one particular way as far as president goes...state and local races, some are decided and some are not...my priority is our safety and security as a nation...who will make the choices that benefits the citizens of our country?...who will consider what is happening now as well as look at the big picture?..you know what i am looking for before tuesday is for either bush, kerry, nader, or (insert name here) to appear before the american people on tv and address some issues that feel like they have been swept under the rug...i just want this person who wants to lead my country to care about safety and security here in the usa and for our people around the world...so talk to us about what is happening now...osama bin laden was responsible for 9/11, apparently, and is making more threats...this other videotape which surfaced lately which threatened our safety also...the cowardly insurgents holding hostages and brutally executing them in order to intimidate us...why can't bush or kerry or whoever just get together and say, "we differ and disagree on issues like health care and taxes and environment, etc. but we must stand firm together as americans against this senseless violence!" why can't they do that?...put their differences aside (not away, we know that they are there, the ability to disagree and still get along is really important) and show all of the citizens and voters that they know that safety and security has to be the priority!...it has to be...will it matter how much money you have invested in the stock market or what hmo you belong to or whether or not your child attends a charter school or if your state has a new income tax when the bombs start falling and the buildings are collapsing here on american soil?????....somebody just step up and address publicly what we all fear privately....a modern day crusades!!!...i just got really frustrated and scared yesterday while listening to the michael savage radio talk show while i was driving from one job to the next...he was absolutely right...he's looking for a candidate to step up and talk about what's going on that threatens our safety and security...if i saw all of the candidates for president and vice president, hell, why not everyone who is running for any political office in our nation, all got together on monday, november 1, whether in person or by video or however they do that, and just stand together as americans and say to those who would threaten us, "we may not agree on issues, but we do agree that we will not be intimidated by your threats and by your actions..." ...please, will someone running for office put away their partisanship for one day to show those cowards what it looks like in a nation where you can disagree about issues but still have the same objectives in what really counts?...only 3 days left...something big needs to happen...

too exhausted to sleep...

there is too much going on and the stress is really getting to me...i won't go into everything now, but i am experiencing severe imbalance in my life...yes, i am up very early...have been awake since 2 or so...i am going to make this very brief, then go pray and then exercise, then maybe do some paperwork, get ready for work, pick up k. and take her to school before going to work...i'll write more later...i just need to take all of this stress to God and ask Him for help in dealing with it or trusting Him with it, i don't know...

boston wins game 1...

and i didn't see more than 10 minutes of the game...mom and i went to dinner, then to m.'s freeform concert at cbc...it was awesome, m. did two vocal improv solos...earlier in the day i went on the river cruise on which we heard the solos...m. sang "bye, bye blackbird"...sitting there listening while watching the river, the beautiful autumn colors of the trees in columbia park...the sun glistening off the water...the brisk breeze...what a lovely time i had...absolutely a great idea...

so boston starts off with a victory that sounds like it was an ugly game...those can be so much fun to watch, but i had more fun living life than watching someone else on tv living life...

so what has been happening with me?...working, as usual, although i didn't teach on wednesday...i missed being in the classroom...it's better for me to teach each day...anyway, i am still halfway through harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban...yes, i will finish it...when, i don't know...also i am reading and journaling about the purpose driven life...k. passed her written driving test, and i will take her for her driving test next week...so we'll see how that goes...also am going on the 11th down to a jazz clinic at mt. hood...louise rose will be there, should be cool...also the byron gjerde mass choir is on the 6th at 7 at phs...

it's getting hot in here...i'm not singing the song, just stating a fact...better go turn off the heat and open a window...darn hysterectomy...

until later...go red sox...

what the...boston wins again, forces game 7!!!!!

what can i say...what a crazy game...boston wins...what was up with alex rodriquez hitting the ball out of arroyo's glove?...the police on the field during the game...bellhorn's home run?...wow...can't wait till game 7 tomorrow...also we have game 6 of the equally crazy nlcs tomorrow...until then...

those crazy red sox do it again!!!!!!!!!

what a game!!!!!...incredible boston win over the yankees...their second win in one day...crazy, man...

a color quiz i found...

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

another crazy game in boston!

yeah, just another ball game between the sox and yanks at fenway...sure, i would like to see the sox win, but i love a game like this with lots of hits and runs...it's the 5th inning or something and the yanks lead 13-6...crazy...
hope k. and m. are having fun at homecoming tonight...

saturday...

so i have been up for a while doing housework...k. decided that we wouldn't go and have her take her written test this morning, will do it next week instead...so i won't see her until tonight, when she and ko. leave for homecoming...m. is also going with a group...it should be a fun night for both kids...i plan to do laundry, mainly...i have probably at least 6 loads...yesterday was very busy and exhausting, but the end of a good week...i am completely booked for october and december, hopefully november will fill up quickly, too...this is the way it should have been since the beginning of the school year, but for whatever reason, it wasn't and now i am paying for it by not having enough money for bills...but things will work out...
last night's sox-yanks game was rained out, so today we have both series on...go cards and sox...
i'll write more later...

wow, what a game!!!!!!!!!!!

no matter how this crazy game ends, it has been great...mussina throwing a perfect game into the sixth...then all heck breaks loose...currently it is 10-7 Yankees...wow...

yesterday was great in the world that makes no sense...

yesterday was really a special day...k. didn't pass her written test, but l. did...we stopped by to see grandma at ashley manor...k. was so gentle and caring with grandma and towards the other people who live there...k. wanted to go to hasting's...just before we got there, "100 years" came on the radio...we stayed in the car listening to that song...that song is emotional for me, sitting there next to k., and especially when we had just visited grandma and that song has some real meaning for people at any age, but...i don't know how to properly express what happened yesterday...we went to hasting's and k. got two movies...we stopped and got subway...then went back to the house...i borrowed "the rookie" starring dennis quaid...i watched something, the news and whatever ball game was on, oh yeah, the dodgers won...then m. came home and we watched his "documentary" about the ff retreat...it made it seem like i was there, without being there...then we watched tv and eventually went to sleep...thanks, Lord, for a good day...

today is sunday and i plan to go to church...later we will go to the hockey game...m., k., ko. and me...

later...

yanks and red sox in the alcs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, it will be boston vs. new york...yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a new day in the world that makes no sense...

this may take a while since i am typing slowly one-key-at-a-time-because-i-just-put-on-nail-polish...so i will just say hi and that i will leave soon to take k. to get her written test done...whether or not she passes it the first time, we'll see...we'll deal with whatever...

what else will i do today besides watch and/or listen to baseball?...i will vacuum, do laundry, other cleaning, and also if i have enough paper and ink in my printer, print all of the gle's (if you are a teacher, you know what they are- they're like ealr's only easier to understand!!!!)...

so i had better go...until later...

this world makes no sense...

the news from iraq is once again grim...what do we do about this?...i guess we can just pray for that man's family and friends, that they would just remember him as he was, and not let the insurgents win...but sometimes i wonder whether we should just let them win and get all of our people the hell out of there...then that leaves many innocent iraqis to fend for themselves...i don't know...i don't get it...

on a lighter note, boston won and will move on to face ny or minn...work was great...i will take k. to take her written driving test tomorrow...

i am tired and feeling achy, not flu-like, just sore, but more than that i am feeling frustrated about this world...i know, that we are supposed to be in this world but not of it...it's hard, though, not to get upset when senseless violence takes place, whether it happens in your hometown to someone you may know, or halfway around the world to someone whose picture you've seen on tv, in the papers, or online, whose voice you have heard pleading for mercy...as i said before, this world makes no sense...God does, but we don't always understand His ways...right now, i surely do not understand them, not even close...

je suis fatigue aujourd'hui!

i am exhausted...but it's a good exhaustion...kind of like when people say, "but it's a dry heat"...you have to be from certain types of climates to understand...anyway...oh, didn't i ban myself from ever again using that word?...yes...so...i worked at b.mt., then drove to get my ksd badge made and then picked up k.'s traffic safety certificate, then drove to my other job, then stopped by and had dinner, thought i might see k. but she wasn't there...so i dropped off the certificate, ate dinner...watched a couple of innings of the twins and yankees...it's on espn, so i don't get it at my apartment...so tonight after i am done online, i will drift off to sleep hopefully listening to the red sox beat the angels...we'll see...so the astros beat atlanta, and ny was tied with minn when i last heard...

so tomorrow is thursday and i work at m.t., then kp, then i don't know...i think i might try going to bible study friday night (shock!)...if it is still even going on...

i'll just add a quick prayer for the kids...just that the Lord would be with them always, help them know that their mom loves them very much and just hopes that they will always turn to You, Lord, in every moment of their lives...in Jesus' name I pray...amen...thanks...good night and go, red sox!!!!!!

baseball playoffs!

so boston won, that is cool...st. louis also won, which is also cool...minnesota leads the yankees, and i still want to see a boston-new york alcs...there is just something special about those two teams playing...remember 1978? bucky dent? i was a junior in high school, begging any teacher with a tv to let me watch...i was told to go to the audio-visual closet, to "get something" and so was allowed to just stand in there and watch the game and see the crushing homer by dent...i love my red sox...i really like the yankees, but i would love to see boston in the world series against st. louis...or whoever...

today was one of my 10 hour days...worked in l.s. at l., then kp, then stopped to see k. and then came home and watched the game and then the debate at the commercials of the game...

mt. st. helens has been busy...we should get some ash here soon, if things keep up as they are now...

later...

monday night

earlier my fonts were all screwed up on the internet, but now i see i am typing in english once again...i think i was in a russian font, but i don't quite know all of the russian alphabet yet...so not ready for writing in russian...soon, i hope...i worked this morning at t., my favorite school, in mrs. p.'s 2/3 class and mrs. l.'s k class...then i did my important errands that absolutely had to get done then...i took a long nap...went to work at kp, then was reminded about the work meeting that i had forgotten...it was about one hour, then went to see k. and do some laundry and "dryel" my black and my beige pants...dryel is dry-cleaning at home, basically, though it doesn't work as well as dry-cleaning, it is less expensive and more convenient...that is rare...so i am now home and checking my blogs and checking the news of the world...mainly how is mt. st. helens doing and do i have email and any news on my search for the lyrics to the song "because" by mario lanza...if anyone knows the lyrics for this song, please add to my comments or send me a link where i can find them...this is something i am doing for my mom and dad...

"100 Years" by Five for Fighting

here are the lyrics...this is an awesome song...


I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you’re on your way
Every Day's a new Day

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

ed-gar...ed-gar...ed-gar...

for anyone reading this who is knowledgable of the game of baseball, the person named in my title is obvious: edgar martinez, who was honored at safeco field last night, and who will play in his final game for the seattle mariners this afternoon...he has been such a huge part of the m's for so long, it will be strange next season without him...not just the numbers, but the experience, the presence, the mentoring...he deserved to end his career in a game 7 against st. louis, hitting a 2-out, 2-strike double that scored the winning run that gave the m's their first world series...but that wasn't to be...so thanks, edgar, for everything...

mt. st. helens is predicted to explode or something in the next 24 to 48 hours...we'll see...i think that it will happen, and that it will be a larger explosion than is expected...i don't think explosion is quite the right word, is it?...

had another violent dream last night...that's 2 in the last week...actually wednesday night was the "being chased" one, and last night was the "van" one...i just wanted to give myself enough information to remember the rest of the details without having to mention them here...for anyone reading this, a reason that these dreams are significant is because as a child and especially as a young adult, i regularly had vivid, violent dreams...so for them to be starting up again is disconcerting...

l.'s mom lent me rent money yesterday, so i will pay that monday...as for the rest of my bills, i will pay the essential ones first and deal with the rest later...i just can't be concerned about this...God is aware of my situation and that i am working 2 jobs and supporting my two kids with no help from their dad...blah, blah, blah, i know, i am complaining and feeling sorry for myself...so i'll stop...

i am addicted to cinnamon toast crunch cereal lately...

today i will go to crossroads service at 11, since it is almost 9 and contemporary service starts at 930, and i haven't showered or anything, so...after church i will meet mom and dad and ka. and ch. at sterling's, then dad said he wanted to discuss something, so we'll see what that is about...

it was good to get out and do something yesterday, instead of isolating myself in the apartment as i usually do...unfortunately, one reason i do that is because i believe that since i have no money, i have no reason to be out doing anything...obviously there are many things to do that don't require money...it's important to spend time outdoor, especially when the weather has been so absolutely gorgeous...about 70 degrees, sunny, blue skies, the leaves changing to yellows, oranges, reds, dark purples...the crisp chill of the morning gives way to those last gasps of summer still trying to hang on...

i found a way cool website that has the texts of some amazing books...last night i started to read "my antonia" by willa cather...

http://www.americanliterature.com/MA/MAININDEX.HTML

is the place...i will start reading these books online...of course, i still need to finish the last half of "harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban", plus i am skimming through jane pauley's book...if i could spend my time reading, writing, listening to music, being with the people in my life...what a life that could be...as long as what i do glorifies the Lord (and it doesn't always, i don't think watching euro trip or american pie movies with m. qualifies, but hey, i am a human with a slightly twisted sense of humor...sorry)

this has been a long entry...this is what i used to do on easyjournal when i had (actually i still have it) a journal there, 2 actually, and i think i had a diaryland one for a while...i like blogger.com the best of any site i have used...

so i had better sign off...hope it is a great day...later...

ichiro and mt. st. helens

yeah, he did it!...last night ichiro surpassed george sisler to become the major league baseball season hit leader with 259...he has two more games and is likely to set a record that may never be broken or he will break his own record...it was very exciting in this dismal mariner season to see the guys run and mob ichiro with hugs and high-fives...we are so used to winning and celebrating division and/or wild card wins and being in the playoffs, so this was very nice, but to be honest, no substitute for winning...ichiro, i'm sure, is not satisfied with what happened to the team, and i think, even in the midst of this record, he considers this season a failure because his "team" did not achieve their potential...as he said in his press conference last night, he is a professional and he seems to me like he "works" the game, rather than playing it...he is the most exciting player in baseball and has been since he came over from japan...he has made this season bearable...tonight we say goodbye to edgar martinez...who will i say, "you da man" to now?...edgar will always be "da man"...so tuesday night the playoffs start, and since i don't have cable i have missed most of the games except mariners on the local fox station occasionally and the saturday fox national games with announcers that drive me nuts, so i get to watch all of the playoff games, so i am very excited...

okay, now back to reality...i will leave shortly to pick up k. and go to the dmv for her written test...then i guess we shop for homecoming dresses...this will be the first weekend since the choir retreat that i have left the apartment on a weekend...so this is good...

mt. st. helens has been coming back to life...for anyone out there reading this, i'll give you some information about me...i live in southeastern washington state, about 2 hours east of mt. st. helens...i lived in the same tri-city area in 1980, when the volcano exploded so violently...it was 3 weeks before my high school graduation, on a sunday morning, and i stayed home from church because of illness...one of my cousins was at our house...watching the mariner game on tv...there was a short, sonic-boom-like sound...then we heard that the mountain had blown up...the baseball game went to a split screen...the m's on one side, and the smoking mountain on the other...announcing the game came to an end, as dave neihaus and probably ken wilson became volcano commentators instead of baseball announcers...we were warned not to go outside due to ash and its effects on eyes and throat...so what does my 15-year-old-ish cousin do but run outside, only to run back in complaining of "eye and throat discomfort"...imagine that...yeah, we got ash around here and the sky changed for a long time...it was an eerie day, like a solar eclipse that wouldn't end...when i went to europe after graduating i took little vials of ash and the huge mt. st. helen's edition of the tri-city herald newspaper to the "homestay" families in france, austria, and spain...the dad of my french family was totally obsessed with the mountain blowing up...he was fascinated by all of the details and my personal experience of it...that brings back some memories..more on that later...

middle school is interesting?...

yeah, i worked at o. middle school...beautiful school...2nd, 5th, and 6th periods were great...no comment on 1st and 4th...it was good to be back in a middle school for the first time since i had my own middle school classroom at ck...i am borrowing rent money from l.'s mom, and i will pay her back for that, also for the money she lent me for k.'s driving school...i think i will go over and see m. and watch the mariners and a's play on tv...maybe ichiro will get the record tonight...cool...i have a busy weekend...take k. to do her written driving test, then shop for her homecoming dress...also basic health apparently disenrolled m. and k. from health insurance, but dshs sent the medical card, so i have a lot of paperwork and copying and documentation to do to either get them reenrolled or find out what has caused them to be disenrolled...there is no basis for this decision, and i will get it reversed...feeling sorry for myself moment, i'm just warning you that one is coming...why do i, who has "nothing" as in money, assets, "things"- why do things get taken from those who have nothing...okay, selfish moment is over...i am thankful for what i have, that is a relationship with the Lord and with family and friends, two jobs, a roof over my head, and my health is improving...thank You, Lord, even as i struggle financially, i know that You are aware of my intentions and my heart, and that it is in the right place, or at least that is my goal...i know You are always there for me, help me continue to seek You always...help me have hope in those lonely, frustrating times...i am going to leave now to see the kids...