10/23/2007

still not in the mood to write, so i will just say that...

sometimes i know that things need to be done and said for the benefit of all involved, but in the meantime, you know, while we are waiting for the benefit to happen eventually, it can be painful...

so right now i am experiencing some pain and probably the other person involved is also, but as a mom, i know, that part of my responsibility is to have expectations...

i miss him...

i know that this is a rambling and somewhat confusing entry, but i feel conflicted...

what helps is that my feelings and emotions are temporary and fleeting, but the truth and the facts don't change, so i need not be so concerned about my feelings, they will change...

later...

10/22/2007

how 'bout those red sox?...

is it 2007 or 2004?

i will write more later when i have time, i will just say that i don't know what i would do without those people in my life whom God has given to me for the unconditional (well, most of the time anyway) love, caring, and support...

for some reason i am too emotional to write anymore, but just know that God continues to watch over us and take care of us, even though we don't get what He is doing...He knows!

later...

10/17/07

note to self, kelly...

don't isolate yourself when you have a problem or a situation...remember the people in your life who will listen and who will help, no matter what...talk to them, don't let things get so bad or let it go until it is too late to do anything...

i need to type that there so i remember and not let things happen that way again...

i do feel alone, though, even in a room surrounded by people, that can sometimes be worse than being alone...today was a horrible day, from which i am going to learn instead of seeing it as an entirely negative situation...i was treated rudely by a parent today...as i was walking to the library, i wondered, "how do rude people live with themselves?", and then i chose to use it as a learning opportunity...what can i do to cause this not to happen again?...how can i protect myself from an angry onslaught?...

i'm tired and what i would really like to do is go home and put on some comfortable clothes and just relax, but i will go to bible study and i actually do want to be there...i missed last week and i just don't want to miss any more sessions...

i am looking forward to the weekend, and at the same time, i dread the weekend...if you know me, you understand what i am saying...i anticipate some relaxation, yet i dread the lack of routine and schedule...

later...

10/10/2007

not much to say, i'm still here...

still waiting for a miracle...

later...

10/4/07

i'll let you know what happens...

10/01/07

welcome, october...

there's a lot i could write, but it's not ready to come out yet...

later...

9/12/2007

things may be turning around...

i don't have much to write, it's all in my heart right now, but once again my humanity has won out over trust in God and i regret being that way, but i am who i am and no matter what God has done already to try to save me...i don't know where this is going, it is kind of rambling, so i will stop it...

it's turning around...

later...

8/25/07

i'm this close to just giving up, but you know that i won't...

it feels like i'm being weighed down by what has been happening and what has not been happening and what will now apparently never happen and i just feel alone...

i wanted an answer and i got one and it wasn't what i wanted but it's good to know where things stand...

it makes me feel like a fool or someone who was and is desperate but that isn't me, so i don't understand...

confusion reigns...

8/23/07

let people know that you love them and care about them...in the end, that is all that matters...for me, it is living my life as an example of Christ's love...

every now and then i go about my day here on earth concerned about work and finances and the mariners game and who's being evicted on big brother? and so on and so forth...then, wham, out of the blue...i am reminded about and humbled by what really matters...

faith, hope, love

while i am saddened by the death on wednesday of a vibrant young man, a husband, father, and pastor, i know that God is saying to him, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

that is all any of us can ever hope to do...

8/21/07

hi...i'm really exhausted, so this will be short...work was better than yesterday, and that is not saying much...

we're going to the fair tomorrow...

big brother is on tonight, so is america's got talent...i hope terry, cas, or butterscotch win...

sorry, i'm just not up to this right now...

later...

8/16/2007

thursday has come and almost gone...why am i so tired?...why do i ask questions when i already know the answer?...look at the calendar...it is almost september and school is just around the corner...this may qualify for the most boring blog entry being written on this day around the world...sorry...

i just can't do this right now...writer's block?...who knows...

maybe tomorrow i'll have some creativity in my thoughts...today it's just not there...

until tomorrow...later

8/15/07

it's about 4:40 pm on wednesday afternoon...it's been an end-of-the-summer day...kids are seemingly ready to return to school...as am i, ready to return to the normalcy of my august through june profession of substitute teaching...why do i love it?...to be honest, i detested subbing at first...but it wasn't the fault of subbing (and yeah, i can call it subbing because i am one- i used to consider it a derogatory term, but no longer)...the fault lay in the circumstances of my life which were sad and wrong (more on that later, or you can just read some of my old blog entries and fill yourself in on some of the crises that became blessings in my life)...i will miss the "family" that has been established once again this summer at recreation station...

i wish at times, selfishly, that i had my own computer and could afford internet so that i could write more and in a more heartfelt way, but here at the library when i only can be online a total of 2 hours daily and i need to either walk home or catch the bus (the 6:45 one at the latest)...i will probably ride the bus because it is 100 degrees or more outside)...enough complaining...at least i have access to a computer...and internet...and it is free...

i am going to look at some of my old blog entries again for a while...later...

8/13/07

sorry it's been so long...i no longer have my own computer or internet at home, so i can only post when i come to the public library...i am so thankful that this blog is still around...figured that it would be terminated when it hadn't been accessed in so long...

i need to leave to walk home now, but i hope to post an update tomorrow...

later...